WHO CARES: My son motivates me to become a strong woman both mentally and physically

Caring for a friend or family member who couldn’t manage without your support can get pretty gruelling at times.

Many unpaid carers suffer physically, mentally and financially from the situation they are in. As the boy gets older, I am less involved in some ways, and more so in others so the demands are different now.

I should probably explain why I always refer to him as ‘the boy’ even though he is about to celebrate his 21st birthday. When I started this column in 2015, I asked him, and he said he didn’t want his name to be included. So, the dilemma was how to write about my life with him and not name him. I came up with ‘the boy’ and it worked for us, so it stuck.

It would be ridiculous for me to say ‘the man’ as that could open a whole variety of suspicions and rumours for new readers, so ‘the boy’ he shall remain.

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Anyway, even though I am dealing less with the authorities these days, not entirely by choice but also by lack of service availability, I still make almost all decisions through the lens of how they will affect him. In order to cope with this unusual type of life, I need to make sure I keep myself on an even keel mentally and keep fit and healthy for as long as possible.

I am aiming to be a healthy and strong woman not a body builder, and as a bonus, Angus is great craic and can put up with my nonsense without rolling his eyes.

Walking has been a brilliant way for me to do this ever since the start of the pandemic, and I consider myself to be pretty fit and healthier now than I have been for years.

My mental health is also great at the moment because of all the adventures I am having and from freeing up time to spend with my family and friends as well as socialising in situations where I meet new people all the time with all the opportunities for new friendships that brings.

But another consideration as time marches on is to focus on being strong and having good mobility and balance and thinking about bone density to avoid osteoporosis – especially important for women. I have been a gym bunny in the past, but again the pandemic put paid to that routine and, in common with many women and men alike, the idea of waltzing into a weights room populated with trim or muscley folk giving it yeehaw with the dumbbells was a bit daunting.

Thankfully, Dingwall has yielded the solution in Angus Logan of Unit 6 Fitness who runs his private gym for one-to-one and group personal training sessions. Three weeks in and he’s been brilliant in assessing what I am comfortable doing and then pushing me past that point. I am aiming to be a healthy and strong woman not a body builder, and as a bonus, Angus is great craic and can put up with my nonsense without rolling his eyes.

I know I am lucky to be able to afford to invest in myself like this, but it is vital for me, and I work darn hard so I deserve to have time for myself. After all, the boy is unlikely to be able to live independently as things are now, so being around for many years to come is the objective, but I will be useless to him unless I am fit and well and as obnoxiously positive as I am now. Me first for the time being is kinda cool too.

Karen is Mum to an autistic son in his twenties and campaigns for the rights of unpaid carers to be supported in their caring role and involved in the decisions that affect their lives and the lives of the people they care for. You can find her on twitter @Karen4Carers.

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