KAREN ANDERSON: How cancer diagnosis triggered tattoo decision – and 'opened the floodgates'
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RECENTLY, I got my first ever tattoo. The reasons are simple and complex. Simply, I have wanted one for years. Complex, well that will take the whole of this column.
In February 2021 after routine screening and follow up, I was diagnosed with cancer.
As a result of Dr Anderson at Raigmore wanting to have a closer look at a marginal result on a scan, it was caught extremely early and with an operation and radiotherapy, I was done and dusted by mid-May the same year. No chemo, no drugs to take, done.
And that was really weird. Such a big thing had happened to me in such a small way, and it was over very quickly. Having a cancer diagnosis during a pandemic added a whole other layer of weirdness to the whole experience, but I was in the very lucky category and was looked after brilliantly by the NHS, so I couldn’t complain.
And that was part of the problem I had with processing it. Obviously, I had to minimise everything for the sake of the boy who was panicking about how anything happening to me would impact him, but I made the mistake of minimising it for myself as well. I only told a couple of people at work who had to cover for me attending hospital and told a few other trusted people after everything was finished.
The upshot of keeping a lid on things at the time was that I delayed processing how I really felt about it for about 18 months. I’m smart in other ways, honest! But at the end of the summer last year, it all caught up with me and I decided that I better start living my life before it ran out on me. It is very easy when you care for someone to put them first, it’s often necessary to get the support that they need. However, having done that for over 20 years, it is incredibly difficult to adjust the balance back in your favour.
It took until October for me to do the first big step – booking my trip to London with my sister this past January. Suffice it to say that trip opened the floodgates behind which the real me had been imprisoned.
There have followed several bookings for adventures that I will write about in the coming months, the latest of which was my tattoo. I travelled with the boy to Aberdeen for it and as I was in the studio for two days, there was a wonderful positive side-effect in that he had no alternative but to be completely independent for a full day, twice. With a pre-visit to his chosen restaurant to line up some discreet support for lunch, he had a wonderful time without me and the only down-side for him was sore legs and feet from prowling around photographing buses and filming lifts for his Flickr account and YouTube channel.
Oh, and the symbolism of the centaur? Simple and complex again. Simple – astrological birth sign. Complex – I wanted a horse since childhood and finally got Cookie when I was 29 and lost him around this time of year, also, I studied Greek and Roman mythology for my degree and Chiron the centaur trained heroes in strategy and physical skills. But if I get really obscure, Chiron the Centaur is a lot of Big Cs and I own them all now, including the illness I survived.
Karen is Mum to an autistic son in his twenties and campaigns for the rights of unpaid carers to be supported. Find her on Twitter @Karen4Carers.
