PICTURES: Fun and emotive day at National Hotel in Dingwall in support of children
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A ROSS-SHIRE event to cheer and support children who lost a loved one and their families was a great success.
More than 60 children aged up to 12 and their parents and carers attended the fun day organised at the National Hotel in Dingwall on Saturday.
There they were treated to fun activities such as a bouncy castle, face painting and meeting princesses and Spider-man while being given a safe space to talk about their grief.
The event was organised by D Gunn Funeral Directors' manager Jim Murray and his partner Fiona Campbell in memory of colleague and friend Stacey Hull, who sadly passed away earlier this year, leaving behind an eight-year-old son and three-week-old baby.
Ms Campbell said: "We are amazed by how well the event was. We knew there was a lot of interest but we weren't expecting such a turnout.
"We are really happy, although there is a sad side seeing all those children carrying on their grief.
The event was organised with the support of Crocus Group, the Highland Hospice's bereavement support service for children and young people living in the Highlands.
Crocus's childhood bereavement support worker, Louise Mainland, said: "It was brilliant, it was really good.
"We saw adults coming to speak to us who had not heard about Crocus before and didn't have that conversation about what grief looks like.
"Some of the adults that were there hadn't talked about their grief before – a lot of times, the barrier to children's grief is that the adults are not allowing themselves to process their own grief, they almost put it on hold
"It was very powerful in that sense, it was a very emotive day and we had to run to get some tissues.
"Fiona and Jim did an amazing job in bringing this all together.
"It's about allowing communities to create those spaces – it's not necessarily a counselling perspective, it's just a space where they are allowed to talk and this for communities is incredibly powerful."
A total of £115 was donated to Crocus as part of donations on the day.
Ms Mainland also shared guidance to support the children bereavement process.
Crocus Group's top tips to support children grieving
- Unlike adults, children can jump in and out of their grief. It can be intense but can also pass quickly.
- Children tend to want to protect their parent or carer from their pain and upset. Encourage them to express their thoughts and feelings openly and don’t be afraid to show how you are feeling – this can help your child to know it is ok to feel that way, and that their own grief is acceptable.
- You cannot stop children from feeling sad, angry or anxious – but you can support them by listening and talking. Even if you don’t know what to say, it’s better to address the subject than ignore it.
- Every child grieves differently – there is no right or wrong way to feel. Children need time and permission to express feelings.
- Reassure your child that they are not to blame for what happened – their thoughts or things they said did not cause the death to occur.
- Involve your child in opportunities to say goodbye, share stories, or remember the person – give them choices about how to do this.
- It is very important to give them age appropriate information to help them understand what happened. Death can be frightening for young people who do not have the information to help them understand what is happening. It is always best to tell children the truth, at a level they understand.
- Children’s grief is not a one-off thing, but will affect them at different times in their life, particularly times of change. As children grow older it is quite normal that they will re-visit their loss and the associated feelings. This is not a sign that something is wrong, it is a healthy part of grieving.
- Allow your child to ask questions. Don’t worry if you think you’ve answered the question badly – it’s more important to the child that you’ve paid attention to them.
(From: dyingmatters.org / Cruse Bereavement Care Scotland / Irish Childhood Bereavement Network).
A video made working with children who used their services
