ACROSS THE POND: How does a Black Isler sum up her six-year anniversary in the United States?

Normally when I’m writing something for Across the Pond, I’ll have a good idea what I want to write about. If I’m struggling, I’ll pull a piece from my ‘Potential Columns’ folder on my laptop and clean it up or bulk it up a bit. This month, I started writing about how it was my 6th anniversary since emigrating to the USA, and how time flies and that sort of thing.

Then I ground to a halt at a hundred words, stumped. So I fished around in the columns folder for something else to write about. Nothing really grabbed me. Maybe the rubbishy weather we’ve been having, so reminiscent of Scotland, and how it’s really great for the drought situation in North California. The bad weather also means I can have a nice long soak in the bath without feeling guilty about using precious resources.

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But it sounds like Ross-shire is getting much of the same (minus the drought), so although it’s a great topic at the bus stop if you’re desperately trying to think of things to say, it’s not very interesting to read about.

Then I thought about writing about piping and playing the Scottish smallpipes in California, talking about the amusing reactions I get when I strap on the bellows. Then eyes grow wider when I pull this strange multi-legged contraption out of the case, and getting ‘What the heck is that’, or ‘It looks like you’re wrestling a strange octopus thing’. They’re not wrong. When the pipes aren’t cooperating, whether it’s the heat, lack of humidity, or they’re just being temperamental, it really feels like you’re grappling with some wild mythical beast that you have no control over.

I wondered if perhaps I should stay relevant and up to date with recent happenings, and talk about the election or Trump’s fake golden trainers (oh, what a hoot), but I wrote about him last month, and the thought of writing about him or the election again wasn’t palatable.

Just like that, the columns folder was empty, except for some illogical writings that made no sense. And I ran out of things to talk about, which must be a first for a Scottish woman. Computer Manny can verify that I do indeed talk, and talk and talk and never shut up. I’ve often wondered if this special skill is passed on through the DNA of Scottish women, or by some other means. It does come in handy sometimes, especially making new friends if you live abroad.

Defeated, I felt like emailing editor Hector MacKenzie saying, ‘Sorry, no column this month’, and hoping to come up with something next time. Instead, for the fun of it, I tried writing a column about not writing a column, and being all real and authentic with my writer’s block struggles. So here it is.

If by any chance you are interested in my 6th anniversary piece, I’ll sum it up in less than a hundred words: Time flies. There’s beautiful beaches. I’ve eaten too many burgers and Mexican food. I now need bigger clothes. Wrestling musical octopuses is a fun spectator sport. Silicon Valley is a weird place to live. The countryside is stunning.

It’s lonely sometimes. There’s lots of sun. Usually. I’ve made some great friends, and overall, it’s been a huge big adventure. Maybe one day I’ll get round to finishing that anniversary piece, but for now, I’m going to store it in my Potential Columns folder for a later date.

Kerry Maciver hails from the Black Isle and now lives in California. She writes about being a Scot in the US. Read more of her columns here.

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