Heartbroken family reach out to others after suicide devastation
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THE devastated family of a Black Isle father-of-three who committed suicide weeks after the birth of his baby son are speaking out to try to stop others from going through the same horrendous ordeal.
James Mullery (28) took his own life after a battle with anxiety and depression.
Now his devastated family want to reach out to those affected by suicide and raise awareness of the warning signs.
James’s partner Jodie and his mum Wendy and step-dad Patrick have launched a fundraising campaign and a support group to help others.
Jodie (28) said: "There’s part of me that thinks I don’t want other people knowing my business but at the same time if nobody talks about it, how is it ever going to change? Reading this might make one other person go ‘that’s how my partner is’ or ‘that’s how my son is’. It might just open someone’s eyes".
His suicide is among several that have occurred on the Black Isle in recent months.
The ambitious and hard-working car salesman, who worked his way up to a management role at Arnold Clark Inverness Motorstore, was mentally ill for months before he died on October 8 last year.
Jodie, who lives at Mackenzie Place in Avoch with their three children Cooper (5), Oscar (2) and seven-month-old Parker, watched his downward spiral.
She said: "As much as he loved selling cars, the pressure was too much for him. That’s when it started to show.
"He started acting funny. I was wondering why it was taking him so long to get home from work. Eventually after weeks and weeks he burst and said he was having panic attacks going over the Kessock Bridge so he was having to drive the long way round Beauly to get home to the Black Isle. He was embarrassed. He felt like a failure.
"He had worked hard to get his job. In his mind he didn’t want to give it up. But he was signed off work from December until May last year and throughout January time he was horrific. He genuinely looked physically ill. He wouldn’t go anywhere without me. He tried so hard, taking his anti-depression medication, he really pushed himself. But I genuinely didn’t know what was going on in his head."
He was prescribed anti-depressants which had good results for several months but things went downhill after his grandfather Bill Penn died in August of kidney failure.
Jodie said: "He was completely inconsolable. I genuinely think that was what pushed him over the edge."
She went on: "It just doesn’t seem real. I’m still not accepting that this is my James that we are talking about, this is my children that don’t have a dad. Parker our youngest has already lived more of his life without James in it. He is not going to know him. That would have destroyed James, his kids were his absolute world. I’m still trying to make sense of what he has done. I hand on heart believe it was impulse. He acted with impulse about everything. He always acted first and then thought about the consequences after - and this time he’s gone too far."
She believes opening up about suicide and talking about it can help to save lives.
Together with James’s mother Wendy Mullery and his step-father Patrick, of Bayview Crescent, Cromarty, she has set up a support group for anyone affected by suicide.
And a fundraising campaign has also been launched to help raise awareness and cash for the Inverness charity Mikeysline.
Mrs Mullery, a 54-year-old private music tutor based at Smithton Free Church, said: "It just needs people to start coming forward. At first I thought I could never do anything like this but now, five months on, I’m thinking I can’t let this happen to another family.
"I know every parent is going to say the same thing but he was kind, charismatic, he was a charmer, he was a typical salesperson, he was the one everyone wanted at a party.
"And what he’s left behind is devastation and three children, three lovely boys aged 5, 2 and seven months old, who are going to grow up without their dad. It’s never going to be the same."
Mr Mullery (57), a commercial waste manager for Highland Waste Services in Invergordon, said: "There’s a really important message to get out there – if someone is thinking about taking their own life, they are taking everybody else’s. It affects everybody."
James’s Support Group is open to anyone affected by bereavement or who is supporting someone who is suicidal.
The first meeting is at The Spectrum Centre, Margaret Street, Inverness, on Saturday April 14 from 11am-1pm.
Fundraising events will kick-off with a music night at Cromarty’s Victoria Hall on June 2 at 7.30pm and a Three Peak Challenge on June 29, when the Mullorys and their friends will climb the highest peaks of Scotland, England and Wales in 24 hours.
Anyone wanting more information about the support group meetings can call 07563 572 471.
