Beauly Dad steps out for lifeline charity in memory of baby Theo
A FATHER who faced a devastating decision over the birth of his much-loved son is going the extra mile to reach out to others hit by unimaginable heartache.
Warehouse manager John Rait and his partner Shauna had dreamt of having a little brother for their son Rudi, but had their world turned upside down when Theo was diagnosed with very complex medical conditions.
The heart-breaking decision, after extensive medical specialist consultations, MRI scans and research led them to opt for a termination for medical reasons (TFMR) as they decided they would carry the pain and suffering for him themselves.
John, a warehouse manager in the parts department of Muir of Ord-based Ord Industrial & Commercial Supplies, and Shauna, who is from Invergordon, admitted the trauma left them “in a really dark place”.
John said: “This last year has been the hardest of my life. We were so excited for our little boys to grow up together and then to have that taken away from you, is honestly unbearable.”
Their lifeline, after Theo was born sleeping at 22 weeks almost exactly a year ago, came in the form of charity Held in Our Hearts, which provides baby loss counselling and support to families and compassionate bereavement care.
Weeks of one-to-one counselling and peer support helped the couple through the darkest days and gave John the spark to find fresh purpose to honour his son.
As someone who “couldn’t even run for a minute”, he is taking on an Edinburgh 10K next weekend to “make Theo proud”, give something back to the charity which has helped in their time of need and to raise awareness to others devastated by baby loss that they are not alone in their heartache.
And in a public response that has provided a massive mental boost, John is edging close to tripling the £1000 target he set himself.
He said: “The 10K is something which, as anyone who knows would agree, is a massive challenge and achievement for me. I feel like this would make my baby boy proud and ensure the memory of him is kept alive and awareness of baby loss and TFMR. I am so beyond grateful to each and every person who has shown their support and the astounding total of donations so far.
“I think for myself and my partner, raising awareness is so important and we are so hopeful that sharing Theo’s story may help someone else faced with an impossible choice or those who have found themselves having to grieve their baby.”
He said Held in Our Hearts provided vital support during “a heart-breaking, difficult period in our lives”.
He said: “Not a lot of people would understand what we have gone through. We obviously had to terminate the pregnancy for medical reasons. You feel like you’re the worst person in the world but then we know we made the right decision in relation to Theo. But it didn’t make it any easier.
“You kind of realise that you’re not alone. All we wanted was for Theo to be healthy. When you look at the diagnosis that he had and the complications he would have had, it just would have been no life for him. The grief and love you have for them will never leave you. The charity encourages you to make his name known and let people know about it.
“It doesn’t make the decision easier - with all my heart I wish he was here. Our dream was for Rudi and Theo to grow up together. Two under two would have been stressful but in my head I would have just loved for them to be best friends through their whole lives and go to school together and look out for each other.
“To have that ripped away from you is really hard.”
His employer has boosted his efforts on its social media pages, stating: “Our warehouse manager John has been working incredibly hard over the past few months as he prepares to take on a 10km run in the Edinburgh Marathon Festival in the name of Held In Our Hearts
“He and his partner suffered a tragic loss last year, despite this, John has gone to great lengths to turn this into a positive. We are very proud to have him as part of our team here and wish him the best of luck going into the race.”
John, who started out running with the Couch to 5K programme, strongly believes in the importance of talking about his son and reaching out to others.
Theo was diagnosed with spina bifida myelomeningocele and chairi II malformation following his 20 week scan.
On running, John says he “enjoys the silence - you can have your own thoughts. I would think about Theo. It’s something I didn’t think I would enjoy but it’s quite therapeutic.”
Theo, the name they chose, means ‘gift from God’. Said John: “I’m not religious but I thought that’s perfect for him.”
His fundraising page can be found at https://tinyurl.com/JohnRait
